Well, it’s finally happened. The stars have aligned. Lord Lucan has been found alive and well, and Amelia Earhart’s plane has been dragged up from the depths intact. Yes, unlikely as it may seem, there finally exists a game in which I can see absolutely no flaws. Believe you me, nobody’s more put out than me about this, because it means I basically have to spend this review proselytising about Undertale. What good is balance and good critical sense when you’re faced with something like this? For shame, Toby Fox. For shame. Well, may as well begin the love-in and get this embarrassing nonsense out of the way. Let it be known that this will probably be the only time I literally have nothing bad to say about a video game, and revel if you must in my inadequacy.
Undertale begins with a retro-inspired opening spiel which sets up the backstory and plot of the game. A long time ago, there were humans and monsters. There was a war, and monsters now live underground while humans occupy the surface. That’s pretty much all I’m comfortable saying about the plot of Undertale, because this deceptively simple setup hides an absolute…ugh. No. I can’t do it. There’s just no way to talk about this game without spoiling everything. Go and bloody well play Undertale, if you haven’t already. Go and play it. Now. It’s cheap as chips on Steam and won’t take up more than about 8-10 hours of your time. Play the damned game.
Okay, so if we can’t talk about narrative, maybe we can talk about gameplay? Yeah, that’s a pretty safe bet. Undertale builds its house in the quirky street of the JRPG neighbourhood, where titles like Earthbound reside (don’t knock that door, though, I’ve never seen anyone come out when they go in). Nominally, the game contains a cross between JRPG turn-based combat and bullet hell shooters, with players having to dodge attacks in the form of pellets which are fired at them by enemies. Uniquely, though, all combat can be resolved without violence. The player is presented with an “ACT” command alongside a “FIGHT” command, and the “ACT” command usually contains a little verb-based puzzle which will result in the ability to show “MERCY” to the enemy. This results in…nope, can’t do this either. My God, Toby Fox. Have you no sympathy for even the humblest amateur reviewer? Can’t you make a game I can honestly, thoroughly discuss without worrying about spoilers?
Toby Fox, in case you’re wondering, is pretty much the creative mastermind behind Undertale. Composing the vast majority of the music, writing the script and designing a lot of the art, Fox is a true auteur, the likes of which we don’t see often outside cinema (we’ve got Kojima, Suda51 and Kamiya, true, but go on, name me another one). Undertale’s soundtrack is absolutely phenomenal, containing some of the most…for God’s sake, Toby Fox. Can’t do this one either. Do not listen to the soundtrack for this game before you play it, because even though the soundtrack doesn’t spoil any of Undertale’s many, many surprises, it is best experienced after a full playthrough, preferably one in which you don’t kill anything.
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Here’s what I will say about this game, and this is entirely my own subjective experience (but if you don’t have this experience too then you are empirically not a human being). Undertale is the only game in many, many years that has moved me to tears. I’m not talking about the occasional manly sob, either. I’m talking about full-box-of-tissues not-gonna-live-this-down wipeout. Here are some phrases of utterly unqualified praise that I’m gonna throw at the game with absolutely no shame. Undertale is beautifully written, expertly paced, incredibly smart, touching, hilarious and a bunch of other nice stuff which I really can’t explain. Go play this damn game. Pay £6.99 (in UK monies) for it. £6.99. You know how much the new Call of Duty is gonna cost? Find it in your heart, and your wallet, to impart this ridiculously low amount of money and if you don’t have a life-changing experience then you might want to visit your doctor to make sure you still have a heartbeat. Posthumously my Game of 2015 and yeah, screw it, Game of 2016 as well (sorry, Bloodborne and Dark Souls).
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